Sunday, June 25, 2006
［vivian.徐若瑄 － 不由自主］
Hey! 他就像天气 晴时偶阵雨
忽冷忽热的距离
WHY? 我明明相信 他的温柔 不会只给我而已
我却还是不小心让自己摔进他的心里
WHY～ I don’t wanna fall in love. fall in love
Why I～ do I fall in love 爱情总是不由自主
爱! 有时候会停留 有时候会路过
有多少人能掌控
And 唉! 他一个深情 一句BABY 我又陷入快乐里
理智总是战胜不了爱情 没有道理可循
WHY～ I don’t wanna fall in love. fall in love
Why I～ do I fall in love 不适合在一起
明天怎样不必猜 没人懂未来
跌倒了就在爬起来 勇敢地去爱～ Why～
WHY～ I don’t wanna fall in love. fall in love
Why I～ do I fall in love 爱情总是不由自主
WHY～ I don’t wanna fall in love. don’t wanna fall
Why I～ do I fall in love 不适合在一起
imisshim;
5:35 PM
Saturday, June 24, 2006
Saturday, June 24, 2006
the more i thought of you,
the more miserable i am.
the higher the desire is,
the higher the disappointment is.
if we didnt even met each other,
how would today be like?
you, the one who changed me,
the one who made me wanna change myself.
the one who robbed all my sun away,
the one who made me left with only dark clouds.
the one who made me think alot,
the one who made me.. look down on myself.
recalling the times we had together,
it might only be me alone thinking that it is fantastic,
and it might only be me alone thinking so much about your stuffs.
how great would it be if we could have more fun together,
but its impossible, i know.
how great would it be if you could talk to me more,
but sad to say you wont.
i know i should move on,
but i couldnt.
i know i should stop thinking about you,
but i couldnt.
i cant stop myself falling into this pit,
i cant save myself out of this.
reason being, you're still there.
imisshim;
10:18 PM
just a random entry.
its a saturday afternoon and im in school still.
qiu: finally u got a break today, but i still need to come school lehx.
yesterday was hectic.
slept from 7am-9am, den 10am to 12pm.
rush through projects and off to oschool.
its really a last min thing because i dint planned that.
it wasnt really very tough but i just couldnt make it.
cant catch because was blocked by some people;
no space to move about because there were some gucci bags there;
(duno its real or fake la, just dun wan risk)
and i really felt so giddy larhs! =x
besides that, ya la.. some other reasons too.
those that i never replied on msn yesterday night,
sorry because im already sleeping away since 11pm. LOLs.
was really very very tired so went to take the pills.
*rachel: i know what you want to say again. hahas.
im amused by something this morning,
because *he did something that i couldnt understand.
since im already been threw into his rubbish bin by he himself,
then why does he wants to know how's my life now?!
though i know he shouldnt be in my mind anymore,
but i just cant help to be in deep thoughts.
back to project now.
before that, post a pic up first. hahas.
i duno why i want post, just want to post lor. LOLS.
imisshim;
2:12 PM
Thursday, June 22, 2006
Thursday, June 22, 2006
now, let's blog when im still aware of what im doing.
been chatting with alot of people older than me yesterday.
everyone tried to talk me out,
everyone tried to want understand me.
im glad to have them around me,
because i really want someone older to talk to me sometimes,
i just felt more security that way.
*not that i dont like talking to those younger than me, no larhs! =x
everyone says, i think too much,
i wonder things way alot!
and that's why i've got so much worries and sadness.
maybe with the kind of background i live in,
im used to think more beneath the surface..
vic: im really fine with u-know-that-thing, so no need to feel bad or what.
somehow i lost my way to live on,
and i duno how to get out.
i really want to tear down my mask someday,
and go back to being myself.
my mental thinking is wrong somewhere..
i dont want to be a double-character people,
save me out.
wanling: im really touched by some things u told me ytd.
thanks for the worries.
thanks for telling me i actually need not wonder about that issue.
imisshim;
3:12 PM
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
couldnt get to sleep lately, and its real tiring.
swallow 2pills in at 7am and off to bed.
nearly couldnt woke in time to meet-up, hahas.
really, im so sorry.
life's seems to be of the opposite for me,
but what can i do? =x
sitting on the seat in the train, time seems to pass so slow.
tears fall for i-duno-why.
my head keeps spins non-stop,
and these few days really seems hell.
toilet seems to be my 2nd room,
throwing out till my stomach pains.
i always thought by not eating, i wont throw out,
but im wrong, real wrong.
since when im right tho? lols.
maybe i really should consume something so that it wont be that pain. =x
strolling along in the darkroad carpark all alone,
my heart turn cold.
im not being myself recently, i know.
to pretend im not any concern about anything around me,
i said things purposely to hide myself.
alot of things that i said, i really dint meant it,
alot of things that i'd done, i dint want to did that too.
but sometimes, self-tortured can just bring u a sense of, i-duno-how-to-describe.
especially to u.
because i enjoyed seeing how u react to me,
for it can brings some laughters in me.
* as u can see here too.
but somehow, i realise im wrong.
im alil affected by what u had said to me today,
because i mind how u guys see me.
im sorry for somethings i'd said,
im sorry for those that i'd done.
i dint intend to do much but just want to say..
i dint change to the bad, for i never been good before.
my life had been more havoc in the past.
im trying to change but my environment doesnt give me a chance.
erm ya, just, forget about tonight.
we're still the same, right?! =x
i hope..
my big apologies.
so much so for being so emo tonight.
im fine. =)
imisshim;
11:38 PM
when im chatting online with *her just now,
i realised, things changed.
things aint the same anymore since that night.
in fact, situation becomes awkard.
we aint behaving like what we used to anymore.
why is this so?!
"he dint came into my life, but hers.
he merely came in between us. "
we aint like what we used to...
because im realised, u doesnt need me. (like finally)
i know this because i observed how things go on more there.
i duno how to get myself not affected by this,
because im still in wondering.
not only this, i felt it affected all of us.
somehow we get tense upon the topic,
to the extent that i don't know how to explain myself,
and partly is because alot of things are unknown to u guys.
and of course, i think we changed in a sense, somehow.
things aint going as natural as what we used to.
i duno how should i explain myself,
cause its just the feelings inside me. =x
i just hope, things do get fine.
i know there's something going in me,
but i dono what's that larhs,
just.. things are not going right.
suddenly i hate food alot,
suddenly i dun want to talk to ys and hz,
suddenly i just want to avoid some as much as i could,
suddenly i just want to live my life in pretext.
and i koe, should i live in insolation one day,
no one will bothers too. hahahs.
imisshim;
2:36 AM
Monday, June 19, 2006
Monday, June 19, 2006
msJADE, see im here le. hahas.
below convo: xiaolong vs terrence.
hahahahahs!
xinyi says:
hahahahaha. lolx.
xinyi says:
he want loves them, den let it be lor. .
xinyi says:
wo bu yao ta le.. go xl better! hurhur
msJADE says:
lols!!!
msJADE says:
today onli bah =P tml sure want him again
xinyi says:
where got. hahaha
xinyi says:
i alr wan xl since tt day.
xinyi says:
u see my dp oso xl! hahahaha
msJADE says:
HAHAHAHAHAHA
msJADE says:
XD
xinyi says:
heh! lols
msJADE says:
lols xl cuter mah =P
xinyi says:
hahahaha.. he's better too! lols.
msJADE says:
HAHAHAHAHA wo mei kan cuo ren
msJADE says:
LOLS
msJADE says:
XD
xinyi says:
hahahah!!
xinyi says:
eh eh eh...
xinyi says:
terrence ye shi bu cuo de hor.. just, his brains goes r*** sometimes!
msJADE says:
HAHAHAHAAH
msJADE says:
lao ren chi dai
xinyi says:
hahahaha.lols.
xinyi says:
i mus blog our convo out! hahahahah
msJADE says:
EH!!!!
msJADE says:
wo de tian
*baobeis likes to compare the brothers alot. = ="
but we meant no ill intentions. :)
2 prefer didi, 2 prefer gege.
but, only 1 out of 4 thinks gege is very good. wahahs!
that's for u to guess tho.
imisshim;
6:34 PM
Sunday, June 18, 2006
Sunday, June 18, 2006
before its 12am tonight,
happy father's day, tdaddy!
(hahahahahs! =x)
lols. i know what u're gonna say liao = ="
okok. =PpP
imisshim;
11:58 PM
qf9 was quite boring. =x
and i hate the fact that chou nan ren was spoilt! grrr.
however, we had a great laugh over that. lols.
esp with a guy who "entertain us" more than the group performing.
HAHAHAHs.
lucify's really super glam ytd night.
the outfits are all happenings.
and i realise they did the "shaun+bryan" dance. lolx.
*recalled back: shaun and bryan did that dance in AYTDD!
results were alil harsh ytd night.
people's hot faves all dint scored that well ytd.
but eh, i think some were being over-judged though.
ah well! let's see who would be the next one out.
i have one prediction on mind! teeheehee =PpP
40hours without food,
still can laugh like mad,
still can rock with music,
still can do this and that.
not that i dun wan eat,
but the smell of food makes me puke,
throwing out of food after swallowing in,
how to eat liydat?!
the aftermath of getting drunk like no-one-business.
the aftermath of getting drunk with empty stomach!
ah well! >.<
and oh, dun judge me because of what i wrote,
for u duno what lies beneath..
the drunk doesnt meant what u thought.
thanks! =)
imisshim;
4:11 PM
Saturday, June 17, 2006
Saturday, June 17, 2006
tonight, im reminded of something.
why does unfaithfulness ever occurs in relationships?
i really couldnt understand why can it happen in the first place?
when 2 decided to be together,
doesnt that means that they decided to love each other le?
no matter how long the relationship is,
no matter how strong the relationship is,
unfaithfulness still can happen anytime anywhere.
this hurts, truly.
and often, the reason of being unfaithful to one is,
he/she does not have enough time for her/him,
hence, loneliness made him/her goes haywire.
so do they mean, if u love one person,
u must be almost 24hrs with him/her?! = ="
have they thought of their partner b4 they betrayed their love?
dint they thought that they would hurt their loves one?
oh i 4get, at that point of time,
it should be, the one they once loved!
he/she no longer loves her/him at that instance.
how's sad is that.
treasure the one u love,
grab every chance to shower him/her your love.
for we never knew would there be tomorrow for the love.
3yrs back, i finally got my love views clearly deep in my heart,
not only that, i made a promise to myself.
imisshim;
1:30 AM
Thursday, June 15, 2006
Thursday, June 15, 2006
今晚，一直处在失望里。
伪装起来的high状态，
在那一秒钟就瓦解了。
我始终，不能安心的去睡觉。。。
我真的觉得我这个人很奇怪。
哎。这就是欣仪。。。
我的世界就好像只围绕在那几样人事物，
怎么就不能好好的为自己活一下呢？
奇怪耶！ >.<
今天原本的刺激，
好像又不那么刺激了。
今天原本的期待，
有也好像没那么期待了。
今天的小high,
真的没那么high了。
今天本来没有的苦恼，
现在却让人头痛啦。
真是的！
thanks to the both of them.
yes! both. = ="
imisshim;
4:03 AM
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
im addicted to watching soccer!
teeheehee.
Korea Republic vs Togo,
exciting! hahahs.
France vs Switzerland,
super sian larhs!
but its okies..
i got *him to chat with me online. hee! =P
now, Brazil vs Croatia.
i enjoyed watching brazil's match always.
heh! be back soon. =)
off to watch brazil, again.
imisshim;
3:40 AM
Monday, June 12, 2006
Monday, June 12, 2006
" my fault tat im not in the mood and i just blurt it out.
my fault tat you dont like the way i comment it "
i remembering myself saying not only once, but a few times.
if u want me to shut up, den i would.
and, who would want to listen to a comment like, "fcuk"?!
i can accept anything from my friends,
but, asking your friends to shut up is rather rude to me,
not to say, "fcuk".
its so hurting can. =/
" my fault tat i feel alil lefted out today tat i kept jumping around"
den, can i tell u..
that i felt so thrown!
i feel so thrown away by my friend.
she can just suddenly run away to find her long-time-no-see-friends,
she can just suddenly turn away and discuss about the whoever she is,
she can just suddenly walk away upon seeing he's there,
all without notifying.
i felt so lost that i duno should i go forward together,
or should i just stay put...
" ever wonder how things you say hurt me w/o you realising it?
its saddening to know tat he's nicer "
not that i dint, its just that im stating some very basic facts.
he already told u obviously he dun really like them,
and to him, he thinks u're rather close to them.
do u think, he'll trust u that much with his that-kind-of-character?
he's not nicer in anyway,
because from observations of yesterday,
u dint know how to find chances.
but i knew, that's you.
and did u know,
that i felt so sorry and guilty since last saturday night?
because of that, i kept thinking of so many interpretations for that.
no, u wont know, because i nvr told u so.
" but somehow im not tat bothered abt it like how u think im.. "
are u sure u aint?
cause, its not only me that thinks that way.
the way u show ur attitude,
the way u express urself..
" i feel myself very unimportant to you guys.. "
i duno how come u've got this feeling.
i admit, we did have something we're hiding from u,
because we knew u wont be hearing that in and listen to us.
but to me, i feel we're more unimportant to u.
because u can just left us there for others w/o at least notifying which we usu do.
and i really felt hurt to see this coming from u,
because we're always waiting for u to get-together,
even its just a plain meal.
and to think i forsake my hour of mugging because im worried for u.
because of all these,
u made me no longer want to go there..
the only place that i can buy a simple hope.
to buy a hope of seeing the one i wanted to see most..
when everytime u told me that u could see the one u wanted on this and that days,
did u wonder that im reminded of i dont even have the chance to see for even only a second.
because of this, i have to wait till at least 4am everynight before im willing to go to bed,
even if my class starts at 9am in the morning. =x
juu, we're so dishearten! >.<
imisshim;
12:40 PM
i need someone to lend me a listening ear tonight.
i need someone to listen to my sorrows tonight.
i need someone to comfort my heart tonight.
can anyone be there for me, just for tonight?
imissmytdaddyalot!
imisstalkingtohim.
imisschattingwithhim.
imissseeinghiminperson!
imisshim;
1:12 AM
because u asked me to shut up,
so i shut up.
i think its rather obvious enough,
so i dun see the need of you coming to ask me.
sometimes i wonder, what are we to u?
or rather, what am i to u?! = ='
it is just so disheartening to think abt this.
to think we can disagree things just like this. lolx.
whatever war is this, i dint join in the first place.
and i dont tink i wanna join in now too.
i dont mean to attract his attention, cause i dont need it.
the reason of me going everytime,
TO BUY A HOPE!
just as simple as that.
imisshim;
1:11 AM
Saturday, June 10, 2006
Saturday, June 10, 2006
hoho, world cup is here!
once in every 4yrs, so must watch! =P
and as usual, im expecting kelong matches.
HAHAHAHs.
opening match, germany vs costa rica.
first few minutes were so happening.
1-1 le larhs. haha.
i still like the last goal by frings. (germanyNO8)
juu and i pity lots for crc's goalkeeper.
he did so much of jumping, rolling *front,side,front*..
and his facial expression is always so funny, cute. hahaha! =x
i want to catch england's tonight.
duno can watch it not. >.<
PS: qiu, we forgot to mention abt yuan's in MAC.
thanks to her, im considering to get the aqua de. hees.
den i can be korean! wahahahahahhas!!
imisshim;
2:27 PM
Friday, June 09, 2006
Friday, June 09, 2006
k-session with bai-de, yuan-de and xiong-de just now.
we had a good time laughing at each other. hahas!
it appear that i'd been stoning and munching things at time,
its only because i dun like songs to be so un-random. lols.
and oh! this time round,
we sang songs of our age. haha.
bai-de, no no.
its doesnt reveal that we are old,
just.. those songs are nice kays!
(im still 18 only!)
we realise some songs are really nice to sing today.
like, 原来你什么都不要 by 许志安，(xiong-de keep praising him!)
and all those 陈晓东 songs.
bai-de and xiong-de, we miss him much rights!! awws.
and and and.
我要快乐 is really our fave.
mainly because it reflects we really want our simple happiness?
it must be.. =)
another k-session for oldies, another time!
i think, its gona took another long time b4 we get together again =x
imisshim;
10:16 PM
i nvr used to believe siblings can be so close before.
they made me believe this could happen.
i nvr used to think a family can live together so happy before.
they made me believe this could happen.
because all these nvr happen on me before,
i envious them tonnes,
and i went thinking, if i want to, can i make this happen on me too..
so i tried very hard to make this become a possible..
but tonight, my dreams clashed once again.
it could never happen to me, never ever.
i could only stand there to see others living happily..
and this is why i love to talk to them this much...
this is why i like them so much....
imisshim;
12:27 AM
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
坚强的面对人事物，
但又有谁能了解我心中的痛/苦？
因为想迁就大家，
所以什么都说：“ 你们ok我就ok咯。”
当一定要我做决定时，
因为不想把气氛搞糟，
就算自己不喜欢，我还是尽量选大家ok的。
当然， 这是因为我不想大家讨厌我。
当东西是交由我edit时，
我也尽量的不删掉你们所做的。
因为我不想抹煞你们的贡献，
更不想让大家误会我是个难搞的人。
但。。。 我想我错了。。。。。。
今天第一次进行了大讨论。
各个小组的计划书都被拿出来做分析了。
与其说是分析， 我倒觉得是哪来比较，
比较谁比较差吧。
因为每个人都觉得自己做的都是对的，
班上有了点小争执。
我不知道为什么， 当自己组的计划书被拿来讨论时，
我不自觉地感到害怕，
不自觉地觉得，自己所做的都好差劲。
as expected, 我果然把自己弄得好不愉快，
觉得自己真的一无是处，还连累到队员。
赤裸裸的把自己的缺点暴露在全班面前，
我觉得。。。 好丢脸！
当我觉得自己对marketing还能胜任一点点时，
别人却将我的一点点打回零点。
我对自己 也似乎更没信心了。。。。
it always seems to be sinee is always bringing a smile on her,
but did anyone think is it always?
it always seems to be im always haha-ing away on msn and chats,
but did anyone think i am otherwise behind the screen?
it always seems to be im the one consoling others,
but did anyone console me the way i need when im down?
imisshim;
10:32 PM
symptoms of kidney failure
- tireness
- feeling cold
- headaches
- Insomnia
- Itching and dryness of the skin
- Loss of appetite or nausea
- Pain in the small of the back in the area of the kidneys
- Poor concentration, confusion, forgetfulness
- Shortness of breath
i went to find the symptoms of kidney failure.
out of 15 symptoms, i got above 9. =/
imisshim;
5:24 PM
i guess it should be proven now...
seriously, i tink its me larhs.
not that i think too much,
way too much for a coincidence le larhs.
so.. perhaps..
Jade should hate me.
terrence should hate me.
hahahahas.
u see, qf3 is the first recording i went.
and things went wrong for him, on stage!
tai qiao le ba?! =x
and then the anymore anymore happenings. =s
i duno how should i feel now.
hahas, its like..
from last week i started to doubt myself.
till this week, it happened again.
some may said its their time's up.
but.. was it really the fact? =/
should we try again next week?
dun hate me, please >.<
imisshim;
12:27 AM
Sunday, June 04, 2006
Sunday, June 04, 2006
here comes my views on superband qf7.
as predicted, i knew i wont be concentrating myself there. hahas.
too tired and the songs they chose, eh...
you might ask, since like tt, why going?
those who know would know lor. lolx...
personally, i feel quite bored yesterday night.
not to mention, im alil pissed with a few groups of people here and there.
qinobe.
the clothings on samuel, i really dun like.
haha, i find it real weird. =x
and i still cant figure out, what's that party pop for?
is BOOM is a party song? lols.
btw! im surprised by myself actually knowing parts of BOOM's lyrics.
ok i know people would be like,
" eh! its energy song lehx. u should koe the lyrics wad! "
im those, who only koe alil bit of some of their songs de people.
my friends should know that point, quite well! =P
brods.
nothing much to comment but..
i really think the elder bro's facial expression very "funny".
too over for an expression i would say.
milobing.
a soothing feel i would say.
sam's vocals is nice, and i like his ytd's image.
a not-wearing-cap de weiqi's image is nice too. haha.
i thot they would go rock somewhere upon seeing nic's guitar,
and hey! surprised, they dint.
soul, lucify.
nothing much to comment cause im not familiar with the songs they sang.
stage appearance wise,
i tink soul did better than the original group (qiu, u koe i really dun quite like kone de) ,
and i really like lucify ones.
so cute with the marchings, cutie horse appearance, cat's hairband, fox's tail and etc.
kelvin look so girl with his image ytd, esp when he bend down or side face u..
jon wore my fave add-on ytd night, i like.
juz-b.
its interesting how i only manage to catch the word "cowboy" thru the whole song.
the rest, i "ting bu dong". hahaha!
and i thought 38 is alil too high for the performance? =x
no offence but yea.
oh! the cowboy image by them is.. eh "hilarious" imo. haha.
xia ri feng.
was alil amazed by the girls' part.
and i dun agree with the marks they were given.
i feel ytd is better than the "bu de bu ai" they presented that time.
first time i see alil more effort put in by them, but oh well..
ytd is also the first time i find lidan's first look ok de. haha! =/
dancing part was alil off for that song, i tink.
seriously i tink its that jerry who spoilt it last night.
and he's really quite erxin larhs..
quote: "since when he wasnt?"
its being mean but so true. =x
after recording,
upon stepping in to the reception area,
first time feel so much like going home straight. lolx.
its sooo not fun w/o them. =x
nah! wad a long entry.
byes...
PS to wanling,
ur idol is sweet ytd night.
im really very surprised by that lil msg.
but, dun kill me!
not i want de. haha.
PS2 to qi*msJADE,
seriously i think i see jeff more than him ytd night. =x
dun kok me. = ="
rmb what i told u that night,
its even more proven now.
imisshim;
2:50 PM
Friday, June 02, 2006
Friday, June 02, 2006
sinee's a happy girl today. hees.
but she's very poor today too.
shopped till... left with 10cents back home!
hahahs! with only 10cents left,
the feeling is super... insecure.
i duno why also. =x
3 tops, 2 bottoms, 1pair of shoes.
all in super great deal..
left with accessories to add on only.
first time enjoyed GSS so much. hahas.
im still afraid i cant find sth i like initially. =P
felt so guilty after i bought the things. =x
splurge so much when im to save for other tings.
trying very hard to shake off the guilt now.
" eh, no need to go shopping for the next 1.1/2 month "
we 2 are very weird people. lolx.
its fri now, which means one more day to sat..
got to mug for mrsh liaox.
sat... dun come so fast please!!
how i wish mrsh exam is going to be an open-book one!
hahahs. daydream-ing. >.<
its soooo... IMPOSSIBLE!
imisshim;
12:33 AM
Thursday, June 01, 2006
Thursday, June 01, 2006
我討厭你的 虛偽．
我討厭你的 虛情假意．
我討厭你的 三心二意．
我討厭你的 自以為什麼都懂的態度．
我討厭你的 ｐｍｓ態度．
我討債你的 ｕｎｄｅｃｉｓｉｖｅ．
我討厭你的 ｌａｓｔ ｍｉｎｕｔｅ ｃｈａｎｇｅｓ．
這一切的一切 我真的厭倦了．
你 可以長大些嗎？
你 可以成熟些嗎？
我 好累好累．
沒有功夫陪你瞎鬧了．．
放過我吧．
＊ 要封號入座的， 請自便．＊
累了， 去睡了．．
真想 一覺不起．． ＝Ｘ
婉晶： 那些奇怪的人就是愛鬧我． ＞．＜＂
imisshim;
1:47 AM
